Response to Why You Can Have a Crush But I Can't

So, I can have a crush on someone as long as it's for the right reasons?  Someone, find me a university with intelligent, funny women, and you can pack my bags for the weekend (or longer). Yeah, I didn't think so.

You must realize, of course, that this is a ridiculous double standard.  I expect nothing less.  And while you mention Jon Stewart's intelligence and sense of humor (the supposed permissible reasons to like someone), I notice that you didn't mention Jimmy Smit's intelligence.  I wonder why.  I thought you liked me for my intelligence and sense of humor. I ain't no tall, dark and handsome. Well, not tall, anyway.

And my weathergirl has a name--it's Evelyn Taft (I'll pause here to let everyone google her). Yes, she's pretty, but she also speaks Russian, has poly sci and meteorological degrees from USC, and knows all about cumulus nimbus and stratus clouds.  In fact, I woke up today feeling very confident about her weather prediction. She gave me a sense of comfort. And I'm sure she can warm a cold front. Just look at those legs.

But in all seriousness, it is more than just a pretty face that does it for us guys; it's the way she presents herself confidently, tilts her head, smiles, and waxes eloquently on her subject of strength. Kind of like your Jon Stewart.

And no fair in whipping out the pregnancy card. That's just cheap.

You should not feel threatened. It's just some chick on TV. I am loyal to you. I'm not going anywhere. You're the only one I want to kiss.  Just tell me it'll be sunny out.

Last word: while it is true that when mommy's not happy, nobody's happy, I'm not so sure that a "happy wife makes a happy husband." But I do know what makes me happy. Feel free to ask me.

Consider me goaded.

Love,

Michael